The 7 Inherited Stories That Keep Leaders Small (And How to Rewrite Them)
I used to think my leadership challenges stemmed from personal shortcomings. That I wasn’t assertive enough. That I needed to work harder, know more, fix myself before stepping fully into my voice. But the deeper I’ve gone in this work—especially through my own deconstruction of faith, family roles, and “good girl” conditioning—the clearer it’s become:
My struggles weren’t personal. They were cultural. They were systemic. They were inherited.
In Episode 16 of the Upleveling Work podcast, I share a story I hadn’t shared publicly before—about growing up in a small evangelical church in the Pacific Northwest, where my grandfather was the pastor and my family filled nearly every leadership role available… except the ones reserved for men. That story shaped my sense of worth, authority, and what it meant to be “good.” But like so many others, it also shaped the limits I internalized about what was possible for me as a leader.
Maybe you didn’t grow up in a religious household. But if you’ve ever felt like you had to earn your belonging, prove your worth, or shrink your voice to be accepted—you’ve likely inherited stories too.
This blog is an invitation to examine those stories. To name them. To question where they came from. And to begin the powerful, political, and deeply personal work of rewriting them.
Because what if your leadership challenges aren’t signs that something’s wrong with you?
What if they’re signs that the role no longer fits?
And what if your “imposter syndrome” is actually the first clue that you’re outgrowing a story that was never yours to begin with?
The 7 Most Common Inherited Stories
1. "Good Girls Don't Challenge Authority" 👩🏫
Where it comes from: Family, school, religious upbringing, gender socialization
How it shows up: Difficulty speaking up in meetings, over-explaining decisions, seeking permission for things that don't require it
The rewrite: "My perspective adds value. Challenging ideas respectfully makes them stronger."
Practice: One small challenge or question this week in a meeting
2. "I Need to Prove I Belong Here" 💃
Where it comes from: Being the "first" or "only" in spaces, tokenism, systemic exclusion
How it shows up: Over-preparing, working longer hours than peers, feeling like an impostor despite qualifications
The rewrite: "I was chosen for good reasons. My presence here is not conditional on perfection."
Practice: List 5 specific qualifications that got you where you are
3. "My Worth Comes from How Much I Give" 😇
Where it comes from: Caretaking roles, religious teachings about service, gender expectations
How it shows up: Over-functioning, saying yes to everything, burnout, resentment
The rewrite: "My worth is inherent. I can be generous AND have boundaries."
Practice: Say no to one request this week without over-explaining
4. "Smart People Don't Make Mistakes" 🤓
Where it comes from: Academic pressure, perfectionist family systems, fear-based environments
How it shows up: Analysis paralysis, avoiding risks, hiding when things go wrong
The rewrite: "Mistakes are data. Smart people learn quickly and adjust course."
Practice: Share one mistake you've made and what you learned from it
5. "I Can't Want More Than I Have" ☺️
Where it comes from: Scarcity messaging, "be grateful" conditioning, survivor guilt
How it shows up: Staying in roles too long, not negotiating, feeling guilty about ambition
The rewrite: "Wanting more doesn't make me greedy. My growth creates opportunities for others."
Practice: Name one thing you want more of and take one small step toward it
6. "Conflict Means I'm Doing Something Wrong" 😑
Where it comes from: Conflict-avoidant families, people-pleasing conditioning, "keep the peace" messaging
How it shows up: Avoiding difficult conversations, taking things personally, over-compromising
The rewrite: "Healthy conflict leads to better solutions. I can disagree and still be likable." Practice: Address one small conflict or disagreement directly and kindly
7. "I Have to Have It All Figured Out to Lead" 🕵️
Where it comes from: Expert culture, academic training, imposter syndrome
How it shows up: Waiting for more experience, over-researching, not sharing ideas until they're "perfect"
The rewrite: "Leadership is about learning out loud. I can guide others while still growing myself."
Practice: Share one area where you're still learning or have questions
How to Rewrite Your Stories: A 4-Step Process
Step 1: Name It Clearly
Where did this belief come from?
How has it served you in the past?
How is it limiting you now?
Step 2: Question Its Truth
Is this belief actually true?
What evidence contradicts it?
What would I believe if I had grown up differently?
Step 3: Choose a New Story
What would I rather believe?
What story would serve me better?
How would I act if I believed this new story?
Step 4: Practice the New Belief
What's one small way I can act from this new story today?
How will I catch myself when the old story resurfaces?
Who can support me in practicing this new way of being?
You Are Not the Problem, But You Are the Author Now
If any part of this resonated, I want you to know: you’re not behind, you’re not broken, and you’re definitely not alone.
The stories that shaped your leadership weren’t written with your thriving in mind. They were written to keep things running as they are - to keep some people comfortable and others contorted. And yet, here you are: sensing the misfit, feeling the friction, asking deeper questions. That’s not a flaw in your programming, it’s the first spark of your reauthorship.
You get to decide what you carry forward.
You get to choose which roles to retire.
You get to lead from your own authority—messy, evolving, and gloriously unfinished.
Because rewriting your leadership story isn’t just about becoming more confident. It’s about refusing to contort yourself into old scripts that were never built for your wholeness. And when you do that, you don’t just liberate yourself—you create permission for others to do the same.
So take a breath.
Name the old story.
Choose a new one.
Practice it.
Repeat.
And remember: your voice matters. Your presence disrupts. And your reauthored leadership might just be the story someone else has been waiting to see modeled.
These stories live in our nervous systems, not just our minds. Be patient with yourself as you practice new ways of being.
📆 Don’t miss the free imposter syndrome training on June 4th: "Is It Me or the System? Reclaiming Confidence in a Culture of Self-Doubt"
