16. Reauthoring Your Leadership Story
What’s new:
In the final episode of this mini-series, we go deep—into the stories we inherit, the roles we unconsciously perform, and how to reclaim authorship of our leadership.
Why it matters:
Imposter feelings aren’t personal flaws—they’re signals. This episode invites you to challenge the conditioning behind your self-doubt and offers a liberating reframe: your mindset work is political.
What to expect:
My story of leaving a high-control faith structure
How early conditioning still shapes leadership behaviors
Why mindset shifts can be revolutionary acts
Coaching as a tool for unlearning and liberation
📆 Special invitation:
Join my upcoming webinar, “Is It Me or the System? Reclaiming Confidence in a Culture of Self-Doubt” on June 4. We’ll unpack how to build confidence that’s rooted in truth, not performance. Register at michellekayanderson.com/webinar
🎧 Listen to the rest of the series: Part 1 “The Truth About Imposter Syndrome” (Ep 14), or Part 2 ”The Mindsets That Keep Us Small” (Ep 15)
Have a favorite podcast player? Here are direct episode links to:
Transcript
Opening
Welcome to Upleveling Work. I'm Michelle Kay Anderson—executive coach helping leaders expand their capacity, not just their effort. This podcast explores how to break old patterns, navigate complexity, and make work more human. Let's uplevel together.
If you've been following along, this is the third and final episode in our mini-series on imposter syndrome and the mindset traps that often snag women and marginalized leaders.
In Episode 14, we reframed imposter syndrome—not as a personal flaw—but as a predictable outcome of systemic exclusion. In Episode 15, we talked about the real risks people face when they challenge dominant cultural narratives—and how internalized roles like the "good girl," the "grateful guest," or the "strong one" can quietly shape how we show up.
Today, I want to take you somewhere deeper—and more personal. I'm going to share parts of my own journey that I haven't talked about much on this podcast. Because I believe that our capacity to lead authentically is deeply connected to the stories we've internalized and the conditioning we've received.
This episode is about reauthoring your story—about reclaiming the pen and writing something more truthful, more powerful, and more aligned with who you really are. We'll explore why mindset work isn't just personal development—it's a political and cultural act. And why I believe coaching, when done well, is one of the most subversive tools we have for changing the world.
PART 1: THE STORIES WE INHERIT
We live inside the stories we tell.
Stories shape what we believe is possible. They shape who we think we're allowed to be. They tell us who deserves power and who should stay quiet. They tell us whose needs matter and whose don't. These stories live in our bones—and in our boardrooms.
And so often, those stories weren't written by us. They were written about us.
I want to share something I've been reflecting on deeply lately. I grew up in a small, non-denominational Christian church in the Pacific Northwest. Not just any church—my grandfather was the pastor. My family led worship, ran Sunday school, youth group, and pretty much every educational program for families. My mom was the church secretary, and my grandparents lived in the parish behind the church.
We spent almost every day there. Three formal services a week, plus extra sessions for women's groups and Bible studies.
On the surface, my childhood was ideal—loving family, stable home, weekly Sunday dinners. But all that love came wrapped in a specific faith and set of beliefs about how the world worked. And those beliefs shaped my sense of what it meant to be "good" in ways I didn't fully understand until decades later.
I was taught:
That scripture was inerrant—perfect, all-knowing, the ultimate authority
That God was omniscient and mysterious—his ways beyond our understanding
That I was born broken—with original sin—and would continue to mess up my whole life. I’d have to come back to church each week and make it right.
That women were to submit to men at home and church—that we weren't fit for leadership
That my body wasn't my own—it belonged to God and eventually to my husband
Now, I'm not here to debate theology or diminish faith traditions. Religious communities provide crucial support and meaning for many people. But I want to use this as an example of how our upbringing forms the way we see the world—often in ways we don't consciously choose.
When I began questioning my faith in my twenties, it wasn't just about theology. It was about my entire identity. Who was I if not the "good Christian girl" who deferred to authority? What did it mean to trust my own voice? To believe I had something original to say? To lead from my own authority rather than citing someone else's?
Maybe you didn't grow up in a religious household. But I'd bet you inherited stories about:
Who gets to lead and who should follow
What makes someone worthy of respect
Whether it's okay to want more than you have
Whether your voice, your needs, your ambitions matter
Sometimes, we even mistake these stories for our personality:
"I'm just someone who needs to prove myself." "I'm not good with conflict." "I always overthink." "I hate attention." "I can't speak up unless I'm 100% sure."
But what if those weren't facts?
What if those were roles you learned to survive?
What if your imposter feelings weren't proof of your inadequacy—but signals that the role no longer fits?
PART 2: NAMING THE CONDITIONING
One of the most powerful practices I've found is naming my conditioned beliefs clearly and reflecting on where they came from. These beliefs are like software code—invisible instructions operating in the background, directing our decisions without us knowing.
For example, I've spent the last 15 years studying personality and the process of change. But only recently—as I completed an advanced certification in feminist coaching—did I fully understand how my early conditioning was still affecting my leadership.
I realized I was living out stories I formed by the age of 7—when higher-order thinking parts of the brain start developing. Left unexamined, I was leading from the worldview of a child who believed:
That I needed external validation to know my worth
That "good girls" don't challenge authority
That my role was to serve, not to lead
That my body and intuition weren't reliable sources of information
That making mistakes was evidence of my brokenness
No wonder stepping into leadership positions in my professional life was so difficult! And I did not anticipate that my main limiting belief as a coach positioning herself as a thought leader would be about authority.
I discovered it was okay to help others from a place of service—as long as the authority came from someone else (typically white men). But as soon as I started developing my own thoughts, methods, and processes—BAM—I hit internal resistance, ego fears, and imposter syndrome.
Some of the beliefs I'm still working through—that I think many women struggle with - the kind of self-policing that sounds like:
"It would be better to defer to someone with more authority. I better cite sources to make sure my thoughts are legit."
"People don't want to hear from me. My opinion doesn't matter unless it's fully formed."
"I'm not good enough at this. This isn't enough." and stuff one more thing into an offering, or over fucntion for a client.
"I need to be perfect to add value." I just have really high standards. Feels like integrity in my body.
"My body isn't a reliable source of information."
"I can't be my own authority."
"Everyone has to agree with me. It's terrible to be misunderstood."
"It's my job to fix things for the people I love."
"I don't matter. It's selfish to want what I want."
"I'm not capable of helping others until I've fixed all my own issues."
Do any of these sound familiar to you?
PART 3: MINDSET AS A POLITICAL ACT
We've been sold the idea that mindset is just about grit or positivity. That it's something you can fix with affirmations or vision boards.
But mindset is political.
Because the way we see ourselves determines what we believe we're allowed to want. Or do. Or challenge.
Changing your mindset isn't about becoming someone else.
It's about remembering who you were before the world told you who to be.
This is especially true for women and marginalized leaders who've been conditioned to adapt, contort, code-switch, and over-perform just to feel safe.
When I made the painful decision to leave the church—one of the hardest choices I've ever made—I wasn't just changing religious affiliations. I was beginning the process of reclaiming my own authority. Of learning to trust myself. Of discovering what I actually believed, not just what I'd been taught to believe.
That process took years. It involved tears, therapy, coaching, and a lot of intentional thought work where I built the muscles to believe new things:
That I can be my own authority
That my body is a reliable source of information
That I matter and it's okay to want what I want
That it's okay to make mistakes—they're necessary for growth. In fact, there is something really beautiful in the imperfection.
That I'm capable of helping others even though I'm still growing too
So reauthoring your mindset is not just self-help—it's resistance.
It's choosing to see your needs as valid. Your voice as necessary. Your worth as non-negotiable.
It's refusing to let oppressive systems live inside your nervous system.
It's saying: "I can want more—and I don't need to apologize for it." It's saying: "I can lead differently—and still be effective." It's saying: "I don't need to prove I belong—I already do."
That is radical. That is political.
And that is where real change begins.
PART 4: COACHING AS A SUBVERSIVE ACT
This is why I believe coaching—real coaching—can be a profoundly subversive act.
Not because it's flashy or hypey. But because it creates space for you to slow down. To hear your own thoughts. To be witnessed. To get honest. To practice new ways of being—in real time.
When we coach, we're not just setting goals.
We're disrupting old mental models.
We're replacing urgency with clarity. We're replacing perfectionism with permission. We're peeling back layers of internalized capitalism, white supremacy, patriarchy—one belief at a time.
And we're building something more life-giving in its place.
I've had clients tell me, "I thought I just needed to communicate better—but I realized I needed to believe I was worth listening to."
Or "I thought I needed time management—but I actually needed to stop over-functioning for everyone else." and decide what success looks like for me
That's the deeper work.
That's the work that creates ripple effects in your team, your organization, your community.
Because when you show up with less self-doubt, more clarity, more courage—you give everyone around you permission to do the same.
And it's so normal to feel tension between your identity and the beliefs of your religion, family, or community. If you're leaving a religion (especially one that is high-demand), you want to be careful of using coaching or other systems as a substitute. Your brain is going to want to seek out an external authority that will just tell you what to think and how to behave so you know if you are doing it right.
You will likely need support learning to trust yourself and develop your own authority in your life, especially if you were socialized as a woman.
CLOSING & INVITATION
So here's what I want you to take away:
You are not broken. You are not behind. And you're not imagining things.
If the stories you've inherited no longer serve you—you're allowed to rewrite them.
You get to be the author now.
You get to lead in a way that reflects your actual values—not the fear-based ones you were trained to perform.
And if you want to go deeper with this work—if this three-part series has left you hungry for more—I'm hosting a webinar on June 4th called "Is It Me or the System? Reclaiming Confidence in a Culture of Self-Doubt”
We'll dive deeper into the themes we've explored in this mini-series: how to distinguish between personal growth work and systemic issues, practical tools for interrupting imposter thoughts in real time, and how to build genuine confidence that isn't dependent on external validation.
This training is for you if you're tired of feeling like you're not enough—and ready to understand the difference between what's yours to heal and what's the system's to change.
You can register at my website, and if you know someone who's been wrestling with imposter syndrome or struggling to step into their leadership—please share this with them. Sometimes we need to hear that we're not imagining things before we can start to change them.
Maybe you want more individualized support —if you're ready to dig into these stories and shift the way you lead—I would love to work with you.
Whether it's one-on-one coaching or a workshop for your team, I help leaders navigate mindset shifts, power dynamics, and team challenges in a way that's deeply human and actually sustainable. — head to my website to book a short consult. Let's talk about what it would look like to work together.
Thank you for witnessing my story today. I hope it gives you permission to look more closely at your own. I'm so glad you're here.
Until next time—take really good care.
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